Mumbai 26/11 - One Year On..anyone from India better not read this..

Its an year since great India found itself caught pants down when terror India trained and unleased for its own interests returned home in a small boat..

I have done extensive research on this attack and now ready to do a sensational expose on events behind the Mumbai attacks and my own two cents worth crappy analysis on why it might happen again,with more or less the same results..

At the same time i will share details of the real masterminds behind the attack too.

So.. stand by stand by..

[pix i'm not so sure from where or by who..]

UK Techy-types strip for charity-a timely idea for the Opposition to copy..

Yes, Moi being an uber trendy connected bourgeois type Meeya,was browsing though Guardian UK (now..now.. lets not forget the Guardians stupidly biased reportage of the fight against the LTTE Terror..[LTTE lanu kaapu suddo] ) and hey presto.. i came across this..

Captioned " Techy-types strip for charity" it was all about some leading UK IT head honchos (not your average,cyber cafe wallahs in Barrista with laptop and uppity kinda attitude,down town Colombo..) pulling down the 'lets go green' type undies and putting the best of birthday cloths in front some faggot cameraman.. just to get a glimpse of the crown jewels into a Calendar...and all this for charity..said ,the paper!!!

Yes, its bloody true! in fact ,above pix came with the caption " Web entrepreneurs pose for the 2010 Nude London Tech calendar, which features 24 pictures of the capital's Internet pioneers in all their glory. Here's just a sample of what's on offer – and remember, it's for charity …".not bad for a Suddha fellow.and of the 24 pix , paper has 10 online and I'd say not bad.. well..i was talking more about the Lady entrepreneurs.. they seems to be more...inspiring achievers,least for me! of course having said that i mean no offense to the guys and i do think some may find all the guy entrepreneur pix nice too.. he he...

So ,here's my proposition.. now that the Opposition,with its new found champions and with its big movers and shakers ..like Ranil.W, Mangala.S,Somawansa.A and our own nice boy K.D.Lalkantha ,its time to copy this strip for charity gig and have Oppositions own calender for the upcoming elections.. wow..imagine that...

Mind you.. near by Arpiko ,Keels Super Markets and the Co-op ,do have an impressive collection of meds' for Rat headaches..mostly Mortein range of products and i might try some in case the Opposition,especially Ranil and Mangala (though i think Mano.G might look good in his sun glasses [the glasses that he got from late Thalaivar VP of Puthumathalan mangroves fame..] ) go ahead with the idea.

[pix by i don't know who.. i closed the page already and not bothered to go back and see who owns the pix..anyway it was on Guardian.UK..so , the pix is theirs..]

While Sarath decides..lets try Victoria's Secret vacation..

Today, after a fine day spent (or may be few tense weeks of guess work..) like most of Sri Lankans' pondering on whats next for General.Sarath Fonseka, the CDS (while at it..making big bucks for Dialog..on SMS text revenue that is..) i decided to refocus my creative energies on something else.. and hey presto.. found the above pix of Brazilian (where else?) supermodels Alessandra Ambrosio and Ana Beatriz Barros,who recently (I'm told) joined forces (finally..) to provide Victoria's Secret (and GQ) with the most enviable holiday album ever (or least that's what the ad.said..) and by God.. I'm spending quality time awaiting the decision,while going through pix.. so i say.. take your time General Sir.. we'll wait a bit more...


[Photos by Gavin Bond/British GQ]

David Blacker's 'In D top 10' and New Sri Lankan Order...

I was reading David Blacker's bogg the blacklightarrow and its latest post about the increase of troop numbers in the Sri Lanka Army and the ensuing comments aroused some interesting ideas, manly on the next National Agenda or to put simply.. on finding a common enemy or least another war to bind us together...

So in the midst of the discussion.. someone says we should Invade Maldives .. (well, we did that not once but many times before ,while the most resent being in the late 1980's.. when 'we' managed to sit on the chair of President Gayoom but some how in true Sri Lankan style didn't do all the Admin required not only to sit but to hold on to that chair.. hence that project ended in dismay!!!)

And then in true bogger style David Blacker pointed out Maldives is a no go as its going to go under water soon.. and floated the Idea of invading Australia.. yes, that barren patch of land where Abbos roam with few dozen cans of VB each, Kangaroos hopping towards incoming traffic and the racist Suddha in power...

Thus, an idea turned out to be a revelation ....

On with the revaluation, comes local knowledge.. this guy DB says.. "Maldives? They'll be gone in a few years thanks to global warming. I say Australia — if we land somewhere close to Darwin, the Aussies won't even notice for a couple of years"...so we now know even where to land troops .. and then this Shanaka guy says he knows few "knock joints" in Darwin... that's local knowledge..

So we already have the upper hand ,and even sound ground Intel too.. and then comes the bomb shell..

Georgethebushpig, a true visionary gentlemen of Anton Balasingham type ( yes, not only we need great strategist like DB or local knowledge/intel in the likes of Shanaka, but a Theoretician to justify why we need to go to war and why we need to suffer for greater good etc..) states:

"True. We should fight the Tectonic separatist movement and reclaim what is rightfully ours. We can herd the Australians into refugee camps in PNG or some other god-forsaken island now that we've gained some considerable experience in this area.

Hey, I got an even better idea! Why don't we take all the cash that we don't have as a country and start building a nuclear bomb? Now how good would that look? We can have tea with Dear Leader and Ahamadinejad and discuss the finer points on how do you successfully piss everyone else off.

We Sri Lankans are really a funny bunch aren't we?" 

That's it folks .. die is cast now.. not only we have a sound justification to go invade Australia but also our new found 'Dr.Anton Bala' understand the core of the Sri Lankan soul.. of we being a 'funny bunch' ..(for Operational reasons I'm not going into detail the plan to build D-Bom..)

Not to lose this historic moment i proposed a small step ,just to cash in on this great and epic crusade.. and said :

"dear georgethebushpig, i like your visionary ideas.. can you come and give a lecture at the next Royal Asshole(nee Asiatic) Society 'Visiting Assdamic" Lecture ? "

I think the invitation to the lecture is a good start.. a simple but momentous step towards charting out our next national crusade..

I hope this stimulates intellectual discussion.. 

My Application for the Post of Self Defence Instructor to IFRC

Post of Self Defence Instructor

Dear IFRC Sir/Madam/Sister/Brother,

I'm writing with regards to your requirement for the post of Self Defence/Martial Arts instructor.I have following qualifications:

1.Pocket Billiards Champion:
expert in the art of using the 'hands' for 'man's pleasures' ...hence, skilled in the use of hands for non combative, stress relief measures..

2.Highly Developed Agility:
specialist in dodging missile like objects thrown by wife..thus can instruct and prepare any person to avoid objects thrown at them from a by any potential aggressor..or if you rejected (due to Budget cuts ) a five year old promise to build a house costing Rs.10,000.00 to a Fishermen from Muttur , following 210 field visits, 187 field assessments, 89 Consultant visits, 19 visits by Regional Coordinator,11 visits by Sector Lead and then 3 visits by Country Operations Manager ,all traveling on each visit in an entourage of at least 3 Heavy Duty Prado jeeps with CODAN/UHF/VHF/HF communications sets etc.and to be told to fill 2317 sets of forms and attend 4 workshops...

3.World class Foot Workmen:
specialty include avoiding kids squeaky toys on the floor while negotiating towards the bed in the dead darkness,piss drunk...a skill that can be passed to students who can avoid being followed by any potential threat in the darkness..or to avoid Auditors and Funders ,and leave Berefoot cafe without being noticed or use ODELs car park entrance to exit and get into your big IFRC Prado during work hours etc..

4.Expert Negotiator:
skilled in the art of negotiating in the face of an attacker..negotiating with wife over why need to stay late with friends to discuss 'threats to national security' has made me into a master negotiator..a craft that can be useful to your staff members in dealing with potentially hostile public,especially if you're dealing with IDPs in Manik Farm complex where you screwed up the toilets system etc..

5.Round the Clock Bullshitter:
especially in the art of justifying why you returned home piss drunk and get away with it in the light of national security..a science best applied when confronting angry GAs and Govt Ministers over non delivery of promised support and Aid.

6.Best ever Time Manager:
ability to send the Domestic to buy papers just as the girl friend is visiting me at home and then sending the guy again to buy another paper when she is leave after 1-2 hrs.. repeating the same with precision timings to entertain 3 girl friends during day time,while not getting noticed by neighbors etc..personal best was four visits the same day with a slight clash..that was turned in to my benefit!

a very important skill that i can share with your staff so that not only they learn the art of managing time thus not creating a routine, thus discouraging any attacker as no pattern of movements is visible when practicing this art.over time i have developed this skill so that you can use it when doing Field Visits and go in and out of your Hotel avoiding the preying eyes of your Local Partner NGO's as they await for the Bus across the street.

7.Stealth Mobility:
I'm a world class expert in stealth mobility, a craft that i have perfected at work...where i come in late,go for early lunches and then return late and leave work early and then return again in the dead of the night to make private calls overseas,prints for mates,photocopy porno mags and re-print them in color,copy movie DVDs in mass numbers so that you can distribute it among your best mates from my Yoga class etc, during my time with Colombo's best Civil Society Family Business Empires.

i can provide your staff with hands on experience and then focus on developing individual styles to suit each and every persons lifestyle and nature of assignment..etc

As you may realize above are the best self defence skills suited for the humanitarian community where openness ,transparency and neutrality is a best practice.. so unlike Karate or other fighting language with lots of aggressive noise and colored belts, my Martial Arts are the common man's or married mans approach to total protection. its a total Zen like holistic approach to defending one self ,without infringing the Human Rights of any Attacker..

Therefore i request you to consider above and hire me as the best ever martial arts instructors to the humanitarian community.

Thank you and screw you in my own innocent way...

[hopefully i will get the job soon and then I'll stop this Blog again!]

Reverse Engineering & amazing Toilet in Chicago Hospital

I got this story below via e-mail from a friend and after reading it , i started thinking...but before i share my 0.2 cents worth of crap, i want you to read the story..

"In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. 
A nurse noticed his predicament. 
Sir, she said ' You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.' 
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. 
Each button was identified by letters: WW , WA, PP, and a red one labeled APR. 
Who would know if he touched them? 
He couldn't resist.. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. 
What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this. 
Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside. 
When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure.. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure. 
When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the APR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy. 
Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him. 
'What happened?' he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the APR button.
 
'The button APR is an Automatic Pad Remover. Your penis is under your pillow.'  "

I feel sorry for the guy and all my sympathy and wishes are with him..but out of his pain and possible loss (hopefully not..) i realized there is a potential for this machine here in Sri Lanka and also the immense export potential it has too...

I mean what a great machine.. can't we get one down..and get some guy in German Tech in Ratmalana or the Army Central Engineering workshop in Udawalawa..to change the mechanism ( Tech world calls it reverse engineering..) and instead of a pad change, how about a quality hand job..?

Now think about the potential of this kind of machine? not only the market or commercial value but also the Social value.. imagine if we get this machine we can reduce the role of Wife/Girl Friend by a whopping 61.37%..

The impact on Civilization and Culture is immense.. and this can be  Revolutionary turning point mankind's search for perfection and harmony, far more than the invention of the Remote Control.

And the immense physical effects on the Man's anatomy.. can you imagine that this machine or toilet ( call it the intelligent toilet 2.0 ) would release the hands of a man for something else..and also ease the strain on shoulder joints too...thus, reducing the weight on the shoulders drastically.. and since the time immemorial ,burden that's called the hand job that man carried on his shoulders will be lifted..and then the Man will be truly free..(Men's Lib...>Sunila Abesekara ..pls take note..another good one to start shouting and skim of western $$$$)

Think about it...ACT NOW... (No No..when i said ACT NOW..i didn't mean those people behind the Ship Captain Ali..) just plain and simple 'act now'..

Indomitable Ooorumiyaa returns...

Greetings O Kottu dwellers..
I'm back.. just like the Terminator.. I've returned..
yes ,yes.. sojourn was long and hard...
borrowing in Puthumathalan was not the best times for a Ooorumiyaa to dig around but i came back..
this is it baby!
i'm back and i'm here to stay.. no Dr.Mervin Silva nor Kottu God (hey ,he's a nice guy...) can stop me from digging here.. Oink oink..
so, lock up the daugter, put the Dog on the leash and keep the back yard free of live wires..
Jaya Wewa...