David Blacker's 'In D top 10' and New Sri Lankan Order...

I was reading David Blacker's bogg the blacklightarrow and its latest post about the increase of troop numbers in the Sri Lanka Army and the ensuing comments aroused some interesting ideas, manly on the next National Agenda or to put simply.. on finding a common enemy or least another war to bind us together...

So in the midst of the discussion.. someone says we should Invade Maldives .. (well, we did that not once but many times before ,while the most resent being in the late 1980's.. when 'we' managed to sit on the chair of President Gayoom but some how in true Sri Lankan style didn't do all the Admin required not only to sit but to hold on to that chair.. hence that project ended in dismay!!!)

And then in true bogger style David Blacker pointed out Maldives is a no go as its going to go under water soon.. and floated the Idea of invading Australia.. yes, that barren patch of land where Abbos roam with few dozen cans of VB each, Kangaroos hopping towards incoming traffic and the racist Suddha in power...

Thus, an idea turned out to be a revelation ....

On with the revaluation, comes local knowledge.. this guy DB says.. "Maldives? They'll be gone in a few years thanks to global warming. I say Australia — if we land somewhere close to Darwin, the Aussies won't even notice for a couple of years"...so we now know even where to land troops .. and then this Shanaka guy says he knows few "knock joints" in Darwin... that's local knowledge..

So we already have the upper hand ,and even sound ground Intel too.. and then comes the bomb shell..

Georgethebushpig, a true visionary gentlemen of Anton Balasingham type ( yes, not only we need great strategist like DB or local knowledge/intel in the likes of Shanaka, but a Theoretician to justify why we need to go to war and why we need to suffer for greater good etc..) states:

"True. We should fight the Tectonic separatist movement and reclaim what is rightfully ours. We can herd the Australians into refugee camps in PNG or some other god-forsaken island now that we've gained some considerable experience in this area.

Hey, I got an even better idea! Why don't we take all the cash that we don't have as a country and start building a nuclear bomb? Now how good would that look? We can have tea with Dear Leader and Ahamadinejad and discuss the finer points on how do you successfully piss everyone else off.

We Sri Lankans are really a funny bunch aren't we?" 

That's it folks .. die is cast now.. not only we have a sound justification to go invade Australia but also our new found 'Dr.Anton Bala' understand the core of the Sri Lankan soul.. of we being a 'funny bunch' ..(for Operational reasons I'm not going into detail the plan to build D-Bom..)

Not to lose this historic moment i proposed a small step ,just to cash in on this great and epic crusade.. and said :

"dear georgethebushpig, i like your visionary ideas.. can you come and give a lecture at the next Royal Asshole(nee Asiatic) Society 'Visiting Assdamic" Lecture ? "

I think the invitation to the lecture is a good start.. a simple but momentous step towards charting out our next national crusade..

I hope this stimulates intellectual discussion.. 

My Application for the Post of Self Defence Instructor to IFRC

Post of Self Defence Instructor

Dear IFRC Sir/Madam/Sister/Brother,

I'm writing with regards to your requirement for the post of Self Defence/Martial Arts instructor.I have following qualifications:

1.Pocket Billiards Champion:
expert in the art of using the 'hands' for 'man's pleasures' ...hence, skilled in the use of hands for non combative, stress relief measures..

2.Highly Developed Agility:
specialist in dodging missile like objects thrown by wife..thus can instruct and prepare any person to avoid objects thrown at them from a by any potential aggressor..or if you rejected (due to Budget cuts ) a five year old promise to build a house costing Rs.10,000.00 to a Fishermen from Muttur , following 210 field visits, 187 field assessments, 89 Consultant visits, 19 visits by Regional Coordinator,11 visits by Sector Lead and then 3 visits by Country Operations Manager ,all traveling on each visit in an entourage of at least 3 Heavy Duty Prado jeeps with CODAN/UHF/VHF/HF communications sets etc.and to be told to fill 2317 sets of forms and attend 4 workshops...

3.World class Foot Workmen:
specialty include avoiding kids squeaky toys on the floor while negotiating towards the bed in the dead darkness,piss drunk...a skill that can be passed to students who can avoid being followed by any potential threat in the darkness..or to avoid Auditors and Funders ,and leave Berefoot cafe without being noticed or use ODELs car park entrance to exit and get into your big IFRC Prado during work hours etc..

4.Expert Negotiator:
skilled in the art of negotiating in the face of an attacker..negotiating with wife over why need to stay late with friends to discuss 'threats to national security' has made me into a master negotiator..a craft that can be useful to your staff members in dealing with potentially hostile public,especially if you're dealing with IDPs in Manik Farm complex where you screwed up the toilets system etc..

5.Round the Clock Bullshitter:
especially in the art of justifying why you returned home piss drunk and get away with it in the light of national security..a science best applied when confronting angry GAs and Govt Ministers over non delivery of promised support and Aid.

6.Best ever Time Manager:
ability to send the Domestic to buy papers just as the girl friend is visiting me at home and then sending the guy again to buy another paper when she is leave after 1-2 hrs.. repeating the same with precision timings to entertain 3 girl friends during day time,while not getting noticed by neighbors etc..personal best was four visits the same day with a slight clash..that was turned in to my benefit!

a very important skill that i can share with your staff so that not only they learn the art of managing time thus not creating a routine, thus discouraging any attacker as no pattern of movements is visible when practicing this art.over time i have developed this skill so that you can use it when doing Field Visits and go in and out of your Hotel avoiding the preying eyes of your Local Partner NGO's as they await for the Bus across the street.

7.Stealth Mobility:
I'm a world class expert in stealth mobility, a craft that i have perfected at work...where i come in late,go for early lunches and then return late and leave work early and then return again in the dead of the night to make private calls overseas,prints for mates,photocopy porno mags and re-print them in color,copy movie DVDs in mass numbers so that you can distribute it among your best mates from my Yoga class etc, during my time with Colombo's best Civil Society Family Business Empires.

i can provide your staff with hands on experience and then focus on developing individual styles to suit each and every persons lifestyle and nature of assignment..etc

As you may realize above are the best self defence skills suited for the humanitarian community where openness ,transparency and neutrality is a best practice.. so unlike Karate or other fighting language with lots of aggressive noise and colored belts, my Martial Arts are the common man's or married mans approach to total protection. its a total Zen like holistic approach to defending one self ,without infringing the Human Rights of any Attacker..

Therefore i request you to consider above and hire me as the best ever martial arts instructors to the humanitarian community.

Thank you and screw you in my own innocent way...

[hopefully i will get the job soon and then I'll stop this Blog again!]

Reverse Engineering & amazing Toilet in Chicago Hospital

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Indomitable Ooorumiyaa returns...

Greetings O Kottu dwellers..
I'm back.. just like the Terminator.. I've returned..
yes ,yes.. sojourn was long and hard...
borrowing in Puthumathalan was not the best times for a Ooorumiyaa to dig around but i came back..
this is it baby!
i'm back and i'm here to stay.. no Dr.Mervin Silva nor Kottu God (hey ,he's a nice guy...) can stop me from digging here.. Oink oink..
so, lock up the daugter, put the Dog on the leash and keep the back yard free of live wires..
Jaya Wewa...